Random Review: Slender (freeware game)
It shocks me that I haven’t made a random post here as of yet, because I did that a lot back on my old blog that no one ever knew existed. So now, out of the blow, I present a quick review, more or less me rambling for a bit, about Slender.
Slender is a freeware game released within the last month that has been taken the paranormal sections of image boards by storm…in a sense. As the title implies, the game is about the ever-so-popular internet myth Slenderman. If you do not know who or what Slenderman is, welcome to the internet! you must be new here. Anyway, I stumbled across its existence while lurking in a random creepy subreddit the other day, but over the last couple weeks I have noticed the game being discussed on sites such as 4chan and various other internet forums.
From what I read, the reception is HEAVILY mixed. There have been many that have claimed this game made them NOPE right outta town, and there have been many more that have claimed the game is nothing but bandwagon trite, with nothing scary to offer. Not sure who to believe, I quickly downloaded the file and gave it a go.
It is a VERY short game, no matter how you play it. The objective is simple: retrieve all eight pages. Sound easy? Retrieve all eight pages scattered throughout a dark, brooding woodland. Still sound easy? Retrieve all eight pages scattered throughout a dark, brooding woodland while an entity known as Slenderman stalks you around every corner. STILL sound easy? Well, you would be right, it was rather easy, and come to think of it, I think the developers misunderstood that creepiness does not equal difficult.
You start off in a clearing in a forest, with nothing but a flashlight to light your way. Of course, this flashlight runs out of batteries at some point, so use it wisely! Or don’t, I certainly didn’t. In fact it took forever for that thing to run out of power, but I digress. You also have a zoom function, if, for some odd reason, you want to search the horizon for the lurking Slenderman. Finally, you have a feature that allows you to sprint run power walk if you ever feel like you need to get the hell outta dodge fast. You can use this for all but five seconds until it runs out of power, and even then there isn’t any type of HUD to let you know when your flashlight or stamina has filled back up.
For those of you wondering, I don’t believe Slenderman is stalking you the entire game. When I started playing I was looking all over the place for him. It got to the point where I was actually searching for Slenderman instead of the eight pages. It was only after I collected four of them that he even bothered to show up, and when he did it was…disappointing. If there is one thing the developers should have worked harder on, one thing they should have realized is really important in a game about Slenderman, it would be his appearance. In fact, he wasn’t even his name. That is to say, he wasn’t slender. He was quite thick. He resembled a stiffly stuffed doll with a broom handle shoved up his ass.
BEHOLD! Stiffman!
Don’t stare at him too long, or you start to go insane. Probably because you will be wondering how he managed to let himself go when he doesn’t bloody eat anything.
But I feel that this game would have been better if the titular character was exempt from the game. I mean, think about it. The sound and sound effects in this game are really top notch for a freeware game. You stumble around a dark area and you hear crickets in the background, the wind blowing, not knowing if Slenderman is right around the corner waiting for you. The area is decently designed, taking some set designs from the Marble Hornets series and placing them in a game. It would have been glorious, the ultimate fuck you to not have him in the game, and the truth is I would have applauded them if they did so.
Anyway, for the low low price of free this game is certainly worth checking out, but your mileage may vary as to whether or not you consider it scary, like some people expected it to be. While it wasn’t scary, it was creepy, and that is all I ask for in a game nowadays. Of course the reply value is incredibly low, so once you beat it the first time through you will do what I did and remove it from the computer to make room for more porn memory…for porn.
