Crossed Mind, Tattered Gown, Hidden Smile

A little blog I am starting in which I discuss my crossdressing escapades

Random Review: Slender (freeware game)

It shocks me that I haven’t made a random post here as of yet, because I did that a lot back on my old blog that no one ever knew existed. So now, out of the blow, I present a quick review, more or less me rambling for a bit, about Slender.

Slender is a freeware game released within the last month that has been taken the paranormal sections of image boards by storm…in a sense. As the title implies, the game is about the ever-so-popular internet myth Slenderman. If you do not know who or what Slenderman is, welcome to the internet! you must be new here. Anyway,   I stumbled across its existence while lurking in a random creepy subreddit the other day, but over the last couple weeks I have noticed the game being discussed on sites such as 4chan and various other internet forums. 

From what I read, the reception is HEAVILY mixed. There have been many that have claimed this game made them NOPE right outta town, and there have been many more that have claimed the game is nothing but bandwagon trite, with nothing scary to offer. Not sure who to believe, I quickly downloaded the file and gave it a go.

It is a VERY short game, no matter how you play it. The objective is simple: retrieve all eight pages. Sound easy? Retrieve all eight pages scattered throughout a dark, brooding woodland. Still sound easy? Retrieve all eight pages scattered throughout a dark, brooding woodland while an entity known as Slenderman stalks you around every corner. STILL sound easy? Well, you would be right, it was rather easy, and come to think of it, I think the developers misunderstood that creepiness does not equal difficult.

You start off in a clearing in a forest, with nothing but a flashlight to light your way. Of course, this flashlight runs out of batteries at some point, so use it wisely! Or don’t, I certainly didn’t. In fact it took forever for that thing to run out of power, but I digress. You also have a zoom function, if, for some odd reason, you want to search the horizon for the lurking Slenderman. Finally, you have a feature that allows you to sprint   run power walk if you ever feel like you need to get the hell outta dodge fast. You can use this for all but five seconds until it runs out of power, and even then there isn’t any type of HUD to let you know when your flashlight or stamina has filled back up.

For those of you wondering, I don’t believe Slenderman is stalking you the entire game. When I started playing I was looking all over the place for him. It got to the point where I was actually searching for Slenderman instead of the eight pages. It was only after I collected four of them that he even bothered to show up, and when he did it was…disappointing. If there is one thing the developers should have worked harder on, one thing they should have realized is really important in a game about Slenderman, it would be his appearance. In fact, he wasn’t even his name. That is to say, he wasn’t slender. He was quite thick. He resembled a stiffly stuffed doll with a broom handle shoved up his ass. 

BEHOLD! Stiffman!

Don’t stare at him too long, or you start to go insane. Probably because you will be wondering how he managed to let himself go when he doesn’t bloody eat anything.

But I feel that this game would have been better if the titular character was exempt from the game. I mean, think about it. The sound and sound effects in this game are really top notch for a freeware game. You stumble around a dark area and you hear crickets in the background, the wind blowing, not knowing if Slenderman is right around the corner waiting for you. The area is decently designed, taking some set designs from the Marble Hornets series and placing them in a game. It would have been glorious, the ultimate fuck you to not have him in the game, and the truth is I would have applauded them if they did so. 

Anyway, for the low low price of free this game is certainly worth checking out, but your mileage may vary as to whether or not you consider it scary, like some people expected it to be. While it wasn’t scary, it was creepy, and that is all I ask for in a game nowadays. Of course the reply value is incredibly low, so once you beat it the first time through you will do what I did and remove it from the computer to make room for more porn memory…for porn.

First to No One, Second to You

If there is one thing I hate when posting it’s the fact that there are other people out there wanting to crossdress, even worse is that some of these people seem to be born for it. I mean, genetically speaking, they have feminine bodies. 

Competition, folks, is always the biggest factor in how much will power you have. How hard you work, or how hard you try to work. One of the worst feelings in the world is that knowing, no matter how hard you work at it, there is always someone better than you. 

And you can work harder, train longer, and you can beat the others that best you, but you will still meet someone else that was better than them. It’s a never-ending chain of envy.

Anyway, that’s how I feel right now. 

Anonymous asked: squats= easy way to get a more defined and shapelier ass.

Ben there, dan that.

Was told to stop doing them because they build muscle, and you want more fat in your butt if you want it to look girlier.

Thanks though!

Looking for a new workout

So, for those of you who don’t know, I have BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder), and as such I feel the need to workout everyday in order to lose weight. Currently, I do a stairclimber/treadmill mix for two miles in the morning, and then run four miles in the evening. Beforehand, I do the following as a pre-workout:

  • 30 leg raises (on side, each leg)
  • 30 side kicks (each leg)
  • 30 leg crunches (each leg)
  • 30 leg raises (on all fours, each leg)
  • 30 kick backs (each leg)
  • 30 combined (each leg)

Anyway, I do this everyday (at a weight of 159 lbs) and so far this is what I currently look like (NSFW shots):

From the front

From the back

But anyway, one of the things I REALLY want is to have a bigger and rounder, more femmy looking butt. I guess, I just want to have an all around femmier looking body. 

Does anyone know of any workouts that could be done in order to achieve this (keep in mind, I do not have access to a gym)


Thank you!

How I’m Fighting the Heat

Staying inside, all day.

What better way to fight the heat than to watch a bunch of Jews smashing in Nazi skulls?

Camwhore Pic of the Week

So, Mondays totally blow, right? Some of you have to get up for work, others maybe for school, or possibly even nothing. Whatever reason, we all (should) feel like Mondays suck. And that will never change. However, I do have a little sedative to help with the start-of-the-week blues.

Every Monday I will post a picture. BUT WAIT! Not just any picture, but a picture that may or may not be (but more than likely will NOT be) safe for work. They may be tasteful, but they could be tasteless. But anyway, I am going to do that every Monday. And we start off with…

I hope you all have a great Monday!

Anonymous asked: well duh 4 miles a day...look at women's soccer player's thighs :P

That is true…but I had no idea of the affects in the long run!

Thick Thighs

There are days, very many actually, in which I feel like no matter how much I work out, I am still fat and melting. One of the biggest areas of concern for me has been my legs, especially my thighs. When I see other traps and crossdressers, I notice that there legs are generally petite and they have a nice small but. For me, however, I have a bigger rounder rump and very thick thighs. I believe this is because I run four miles everyday, but my self esteem wants me to say it is just fat. 

Did I mention I have body dysmorphia disorder? >_>

I Love Questions!

This is a post to let people know that I love answering any questions you have for me! So, do click on that lovely “Ask” button near the top of the page and ask me anything you want, whenever you want!


Why I Started Crossdressing

It all occurred one spring afternoon in the hottest room in my house. I was sifting through a bunch of junk in a storage room in my house when I came across a large box. Curiously, I opened it and inside were a few scattered dresses and skirts. 

The box was from my aunt who, at the time, owned a clothes store. She was a bit overstocked at the time and decided to give the clothes to my sister, who showed no interest in them, and tucked them away in our house. 

At first, I didn’t think much of it, but then I saw the panties. I can’t really explain why, but I had the strong desire to try them on. They had a floral design, and were large enough for me to wear. Back then, I was heftier, much more than I had ever been in my life. So, I slipped them on, and they were bloody comfortable. I felt a bit off at first, but I soon found an excuse for it to be normal for a guy to wear panties. It was at this time that I thought to myself, if panties were comfortable, perhaps other women’s clothing would be as well. I wanted to try on the other clothes, but I was much too big for them. In other words, I was too fat. 

Around the same time I discovered the internet, which led to me discovering the phenomena of traps. Every day I would skim over the threads on 4chan until I found a trap thread and watch with hopeful eyes. I enjoyed it so much, I loved how these guys could become cute girls all with some clothes and makeup. And yet, I hated them. So petite and fit, unspeakable beauty that I couldn’t have. Not with my figure. Tying the panties incident in with my jealousy, I vowed that I would lose the weight in order to fit into the clothing from the box. 

That was two years ago, and I have since lost a great portion of the fat, and yes, now I can fit into all of the clothing (and, in fact, some of it is a bit too big for me now). There is a story within this story about how I first came about camwhoring, but I will make a post about that sometime later…

It’s amazing, to put it simple. I love it so much and I can’t believe I actually stuck with my diet in order to have the ability to maybe one day be a beautiful trap. I still have a lot of work to do, but for now, it is a good start. 

BEHOLD! My first pair of panties!